Reverse Status
by Nika Dixon
Summary: A moment in time after Broken Ties and The Seed Season 5 . Ronon's anger at himself leaves Jen with no choice. R/K developing ship. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Notes** - This idea came to me after watching Broken Ties... it's not a tag to BT so much as a brief moment in time shortly after BT with a direct tie into The Seed. It would be considered R/K - but not a developed relationship. I'm hoping the mindset is right for the two characters when you think of the situation they would be in. I took a minor creative liberty, but otherwise I believe this to be a good fit between the two episodes. Their body language speaks volumes. It's two chapters only, and it's complete. - Nika_

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Ronon stood at the edge of the rooftop, his toes touching the hanging drop that fell off over the city. Dark clouds swirled along the expansive horizon, bringing it's promise of storm and rain. A long drawl of thunder rolled out across the sky and he growled in return.

The wind whipped around him as he clenched and unclenched his fists, daring the gusts to try to force him off the precipice. To give him a reason. Give him an excuse.

They were wrong.

They were _all_ wrong.

Treating him like nothing happened. Like he hadn't tried to kill them. Like he hadn't failed.

Because he had.

He'd failed.

He'd failed himself.

He'd failed Sateda.

He'd failed Tyr.

He'd failed them all.

_Chemicals. You weren't yourself. It wasn't you. _

Their words rolled around in his mind and he dismissed them with an angry shake of his head.

They were stupid for letting him stay. For not killing him. He was a danger to them. He shouldn't be here.

A strong gust kicked up and he relaxed into it, swaying like a tall tree. The white caps on the dark water speckled across the ocean far below.

Clattering behind him caught his ear and he turned, watching the wind tugging hair out of a familiar blond ponytail. Jennifer climbed the access ladder, up through the hatch in the floor, moving up onto the roof with an unsteady step. The sagging knapsack across her shoulders added extra weight and acted like a sail, shoving her off balance. She spread her feet and braced herself against the wind before letting go of the top of the ladder.

She crossed the roof, slowing as she reached the edge to stand beside him. She inched forward, angling her head to look over the lip of the tower.

"Damn." She exhaled, her eyes wide. "That's a long way down…"

Ronon's arm shot out and grabbed the knapsack, yanking her roughly away from the sheer drop.

"What do you want, Doc?" His tone was angrier than he intended and he watched her eyes narrow in response as she stepped back, breaking contact with his arm.

She didn't answer.

"Checking up on me?" He turned away quickly, not wanting to see the hurt or pity in her eyes. "I told you I'm fine."

"No." She finally said, stepping closer, but remaining behind him. "I'm not checking up on you."

He snorted, not believing her. "Worried I'm going to jump?"

"No." She stepped up beside him next to the edge. "Why? Are you?"

He pushed her back again, away from the drop, dragging her closer to the middle of the rooftop before letting go.

"Go away, Doc." He growled. "I'm not in the mood for talk."

"I didn't come all the way up here so you could talk." She exhaled slowly. "I came up here so you can listen."

He grunted and turned away. Listen to another lecture on why he was perfectly fine? Why none of this was his fault? He didn't want to hear it and he told her so.

Jennifer followed him to the edge again and he spun around, his voice angry and cold, pushing her back towards the hatchway and the ladder in the middle of the rooftop.

"Go, Doc." He ordered, stepping away from her. "I don't want you here."

"You lied to me." Jennifer stood her ground, her voice cutting with an anger that surprised him.

"What?" He blinked.

He could see the color staining her cheeks and knew this time, it wasn't nervousness or embarrassment. She was good and truly furious. Her eyes narrowed and she stepped closer, her arms held stiffly at her sides, her hands clenching into tight fists.

Ronon briefly wondered if she was about to take a swing at him, and almost laughed. Would have if not for the raw pain he saw in her eyes as she stalked towards him.

"You lied to me." She repeated, stopping directly in front of him, tipping her head back to face him straight on.

"When." He snorted, his own eyes narrowing as she stared him down. "I'm not the one who let me go. _You_ were the one who pronounced me _safe_. You were the one who was lying to yourself." He sneered. "You all were. Letting me back into the city. Letting me run free. I tried to tell you I'm dangerous, damn it! Sheppard should have killed me when he had the chance."

"I see." She blinked, clenching her teeth.

Ronon waited for her to give her standard it's not your fault speech… but she didn't.

He waited.

She just stood there in silence, staring up at him, blinking. Her eyes never released his and he watched the emotions swirling through their depths with a force not like the approaching storm.

"You told the Wraith that Colonel Sheppard and the others were worth saving. They were worth more alive than dead." She finally stated, raising her eyebrows, waiting for him to acknowledge her statement.

He nodded. "I did."

"Why." It wasn't a question so much as a demand.

He exhaled sharply, looking away from the intensity of her gaze. "Why does it matter?"

"Just… answer the question."

He kept silent.

"Fine." She exhaled. "Then I will. You kept them because they're important. They're all fighters. They would have been a worthy edition. Hell, even McKay can handle himself with a P90, and his mind alone would have been pure gold to them. It was a good decision."

Ronon's head turned quickly back towards her. "What?" He sputtered, incredulous.

"It was a good decision." She repeated, then shook her head, her tongue darting out to lick her bottom lip before she continued. "But what about me?"

He blinked. "What about you?"

"I wanted to go with them, Ronon." She answered. "I begged Colonel Sheppard to include me on the mission. Incase you were injured. Incase you needed help. But he refused."

Ronon exhaled sharply, the thought of Jennifer being there digging into his abdomen with a painful twist.

"Would you have kept me, too?" She asked with a decidedly Teyla like tilt of her head.

"What!?"

"Would you have kept me… or killed me?"

"I… I don't understand." He stepped back, away from her question, away from the raw emotion flashing through her eyes.

"Yes…" Jennifer stepped forward, closing the distance between them again. "You do understand. I'm not a fighter. I'm not a strategist. I don't have McKay's mind for technology. I wouldn't have been worth anything to that Wraith and you know it. If I were there… If I'd been captured… you would have killed me."

"No." He exhaled sharply.

"Yes." She nodded, the understanding of what her fate would have been written across her features. "It's not your fault. The enzyme took over your mind. You were not in control. There's nothing you could have done to stop it." She said quickly.

"I don't want to hear it!" He growled, the words echoing through his mind, repeating in all the voices. He'd heard them over and over and over since he'd been released from the infirmary and he was sick and tired of being treated like a child. He knew better! He should have been stronger!

Turning away, he took two large strides from her before spinning back around and stepping back. "It was my fault! I let it into my mind. I didn't fight hard enough. I didn't fight long enough. We don't even know if it's gone. I'm a danger to this city and shouldn't have been allowed to live!"

She blinked up at him, his angry words brushing over her to be carried away in the wind.

"Would you have killed me?" She asked again.

"Yes!" He shouted, then clamped his mouth shut as he realized what he'd said. He saw a brief flash of sadness in her eyes before it was blinked away, replaced with a fierce determination.

She shrugged out of the knapsack, shifting it around to the front of her body. Digging inside, she pulled out a large object and slapped it against his chest.

His hands automatically reached out to hold his gun. Sheppard hadn't returned it yet. It should be locked in the armory.

He frowned. "What's this for?"

Her lower lip trembled and she quickly bit it.

"Doc?" He questioned.

"Do it." She blinked.

"Do what?" He frowned.

"If you're so hell bent on proving everyone wrong… showing everyone that you're still dangerous… that you're still under control of that damn Wraith, then prove it." She blinked, twisting her head to the side. "Kill me."

"What?" He stepped back, quickly pulling his gun out of her reach. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You lied to me." She said, holding her hand up to stop him from answering. "It's not your fault. The enzyme took over your mind. You were not in control. There's nothing you could have done to stop it." She quickly rattled off the words she'd given him only moments ago. "That's the speech _you_ gave _me_."

Ronon froze.

Jen smiled, sad and weary. She stepped forward, her voice lowering as she neared him. "You are, by far, the strongest man I have ever known. If… after everything you have been through… with your strength, your heart, your sense of justice… if after all that you still believe Sheppard should have killed you, should _still_ kill you, then how the hell could I even begin to believe that _I_ deserve to live after what I did?"

Ronon couldn't answer. He just stared.

Jen snatched at his hand, pointing the barrel towards her chest.

"Doc!" Ronon yanked his hand away. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

"It's already set to kill." She said matter-of-factly. "You just need to pull the trigger."

Ronon cursed and stepped away, sliding it back into stun.

"Have you hit your head?" He stared at her, incredulous. Shouting against a roll of thunder. "You've completely lost your mind!"

"It was my fault… I let it into my mind… I didn't fight hard enough… I didn't fight long enough… We don't even know if it's gone." She threw his words back to him and he caught them with a deathly pale realization. "I'm a danger to this city and shouldn't have been allowed to live." She finished, and he knew she wasn't speaking of him. She was talking about herself.

Ronon stood in the middle of the rooftop, staring as she shook her head sadly and turned away. She stopped at the top of the ladder, and pointed to the bag she left at his feet.

"Everything's in there." She blinked. "Your knives, your holster. The decision is in your hands."

She descended the ladder, stopping when only her head remained above the opening.

"But Don't take too long. I gave Mr. Woolsey my resignation. We don't want me loose on Earth if I'm going to turn into a hive ship, now do we?"

She disappeared down the hatchway.

When Jen reached the bottom of the second floor of rungs, she took a deep calming breath before she moved away from the ladder and into the corridor. She was immediately flanked by Teyla and John on her left, and Evan and Rodney on her right.

"Do you think it worked?" John asked quietly.

"I don't know." She sighed, looking around at the four concerned faces. "I honestly don't know."

"Remind me never to piss you off." Rodney muttered. "You're really twisted with that reverse psychology stuff. You sounded almost like you believed what you were saying."

Jen shrugged, not really answering, not really wanting to tell them she wasn't so sure she had been lying.

"Did you really give Mr. Woolsey your resignation?" Evan asked, with concern.

Jen shrugged. "He tore it up."

"The man made a wise decision." John muttered.

Jen shrugged.

"Come on." Teyla looped her arm over Jen's shoulder. "We can do no more tonight."


	2. Chapter 2

The chime on Jen's door bleeped and she frowned, looking around at her room. Sitting up, the paperback she'd fell asleep reading clumped to the floor and she bent to pick it up. Another bleep and she peered at the illuminated hands on her watch.

3:17 AM

Another bleep. She stood and stumbled over the blanket that was wrapped over her legs, scrambling to pull her brain into a functioning mode. Throwing the blanket on the floor beside the chair, she moved quickly to the door. Her radio hadn't gone off so it shouldn't be a medical emergency… but…

Her hand swiped over the access control and the doors slid open.

"Ronon?" She exhaled with surprise, staring up at the man looming in the hallway. "Is something wrong? Are you hurt?" She questioned quickly, giving him a quick once over.

"Did you really resign?" He asked, not moving from his position in the hallway.

Jen exhaled slowly, running her hands through her sleep tousled hair. "Come in." She stepped aside, letting the doors close behind him. Hope blossomed inside her to know that he was here, that he'd actually, finally, come to talk to her.

Ronon turned towards her. "Did you resign?"

She nodded, watching his reservation turn to surprise, and then sadness, before closing off completely.

Ronon exhaled slowly. He'd stood on that rooftop for hours, her words whirling around inside his head, his heart, his soul. Rain drenched and wind buffeted, he stood against the storm, his mind in turmoil.

He'd been so caught up in his own misery, his own failings, his own self-pity, he never once stopped to think of anyone else.

He'd never stopped to think about how _she_ was doing.

And she was right.

He _had_ given her the same speech. The same platitudes. They all had.

But he truly believed her to be cured. To be fine. To be healthy and happy and untouched by the evil that was the Wraith virus that had so infected her mind and body.

But if he'd believed that about her… then he had to believe that about himself.

Or it was all for naught.

And he'd come to the realization, as the storm abated around him, tapering off into a drizzle that faded with the distant thunder, that she'd played him.

And played him well.

And he'd laughed.

It had taken him a better part of six hours to get up the courage to come see her.

To tell her he believed.

And she was telling him she was leaving.

She really had given Woolsey her resignation.

He blinked. "When are you leaving?"

She shook her head, a tiny smile tugging the corner of her mouth. "I'm not."

He frowned.

Jen turned and walked over to the chair she'd been curled up in only moments before. Closing the paperback she'd left on the seat, she tossed the book onto the small table to her right. Lowering herself onto the edge of the chair, she twisted her hands in her lap. "Woolsey tore it up the minute I handed it over." She finally said, chancing a glance up at him.

"When was that?"

"The day I was released from the infirmary." She shrugged.

"Weeks ago." Ronon exhaled, then shook his head. "You let me believe you were leaving."

"Sorry."

"You did that on purpose?"

"Yes."

"And the rest?"

Jen chewed the inside of her cheek, not sure if she could really put to words the horrific nightmares she still had. Dreams of being left alone to die in the dark. Nightmares of killing people – of killing her friends. The waking thoughts that she might still be carrying the virus. The blood tests she performed on herself several times a week just to be sure.

"_You_ lied to _me_." He raised an eyebrow.

Jen shook her head. "No. I just… didn't tell you everything."

"Do you truly believe you deserve to die?" He asked softly, moving to stand beside her.

Jen thought about lying, about saying no, but decided that truth was the only way she could really help him see what she was trying to do.

"Sometimes." She finally answered, turning towards him. "Late at night. Especially, um… when I'm alone. I don't like… I don't like being alone." She looked at her pristinely made bed, taunting her from across the room. The covers and blankets were meticulously tucked around the frame. Unused. Unwanted. "It's… hard to sleep. I just can't quite bring myself to use it. I usually end up falling asleep right here."

He nodded his understanding, eyeing the pillow and blankets on the floor next to her chair.

"You?" She asked hesitantly, her face still turned away.

"Same." He replied, watching her intently, his eyes studying her profile while she stared at her unused bed.

A shiver shot down her spine and she trembled. She shook her head quickly and stood up, but he didn't move to give her room. She remained blocked between him and the chair, her body inches from his. He wasn't sure who moved first, but he suddenly found himself wrapped around her small frame, her body locked tightly against his chest while he pulled her close, her arms tightly gripping his waist.

"Some pair we make." She muttered into his shirtfront.

"So what are we going to do about it?" He asked, resting his chin on the top of her head.

She shook her head, her hair tickling his chin. "I have no idea."

"Well, I'm not going to shoot you." He grinned when she burst out laughing.

"Good." She smiled, lifting her head to look up at him. "Because I'd rather not be shot."

"You took a big chance up there." He stared at her, his smile disappearing.

"No, I didn't." She shook her head quickly. Leaning back, she stared up into his face, her gaze direct and penetrating. "I am _not_ afraid of you, Ronon Dex."

"Are you sure?" He raised an eyebrow, his arms tightening around her waist. "Because you're heart is beating awfully fast."

She flushed with a strangled squeak and quickly released him.

He grinned and stepped back, her flustered mutterings about men making him laugh.

She shook her head and glared at him. "You're impossible."

He shrugged. "Only for you."

"Come on." She laughed, reaching for his hand, threading her smaller fingers through his larger ones to pull him towards the door. "There's only one thing that can cure all this."

Ronon walked beside her into the hallway, tightening his grip on her hand when she moved to pull away. She looked down at their fingers, then back up to his face, a hesitant smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"What?" He asked, not really caring where they were going so long as she took him with her.

"Chocolate cake." She answered with mock seriousness.

"Chocolate cake?"

"Cure's everything."

"I thought that was chicken soup?"

"That too." She laughed. "Only it's no where near as yummy."

"Right." He nodded.

As they walked towards the cafeteria, Ronon let his memories of the past few weeks slip quietly away. They would return – the nightmares and flashes. He understood this. And he also understood hers would return too.

But for this brief span of time, he would let her help him forget. And he would help her forget in return.

_Some pair we make._

It was a worthy trade.


End file.
